MARBLE SKY "The Sad Return" (Callow God)

Released in a private edition of 15 copies, this ambient tape by Jeff Witscher (Deep Jew/Impregnable/Secret Abuse) will never fall into any of your eager little hands. Nope. It's only for fancy pants people. That's why it's a private edition. It's so limited, in fact, that this review is the closest you'll ever get to this tape. I have it, which means that my cassette collection is better than all of yours, and therefore, I am a better collector than everyone reading this. I won't even tell you what it sounds like. That would ruin the mystery. But I will say that it is exquisite. Pure auditory bliss. Can you picture the self satisfied smile on my face as I sit in my bedroom listening to it over and over again, caressing the beautifully printed j-card, reading and rereading the poetic track titles to myself? It's so good that I hope it gets rereleased on vinyl, but that would make the whole thing so much less special.